I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.

I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones so my people will think I am dying.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her ear.

I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.